Coming Home Again
by KJaneway115
Summary: Stranded on an alien planet, Janeway and Chakotay are forced to run for their lives as they are pursued by hostile aliens.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Thanks always to Mizvoy for the editing. Reviews are always greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!_

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><p><strong>COMING HOME AGAIN<strong>

By KJaneway 115

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><p><strong>1<strong>

Running. They were running as fast they could, the uneven ground making it difficult for them to keep pace ahead of their would-be captors. A thick branch cracked under a heavy step, alerting one of their pursuers to their location. They heard yelling behind them as the Kerhonkset leader ordered his men in their direction.

"We're never going to outrun them," Janeway panted as she ducked to avoid a fallen tree branch. "Need a new strategy."

"Agreed," her first officer managed. He began to look in the dense forest for someplace they might be able to hide. The ground was covered in fallen leaves, but it would take them too much time to cover themselves in leaves and hide in the underbrush. They needed a ready-made hiding place. Suddenly, Chakotay saw a cluster of rocks. Reaching out to grab Kathryn's hand, he said, "Over here."

He tugged her towards the rocks as they heard their pursuers getting closer. One large, flat rock jutted out over the ground, and Chakotay dropped to the forest floor, pulling Janeway with him. He scooted under the rock, and she followed. There was barely enough space between the rock and the ground for their bodies to fit, and they lay, pressed against each other, their faces pushed into the dirt, trying not to breathe or make a sound.

They heard voices approaching and felt the ground tremble with the footfalls of the boar-like beasts the Kerhonkset rode. "I'm sure they went this way," one of the men said.

"I don't think so," said another voice, this one more gruff than the first. "Why would they go this way if they are in cahoots with the Prime Minister?"

"I don't know," said the first voice.

Janeway and Chakotay watched in horror as a large pair of brown Kerhonkset boots rounded the corner and approached the rock under which they hid. "I was sure I saw them running this direction." The voice was so close that Janeway felt certain the Kerhonkset man would be able to hear them breathing. She tried to hold her breath and inched her body further back into the rock. Chakotay felt her press herself tighter against him, and somewhere in the dark, cramped space, he found her fingers and intertwined them with his own.

"Well," said a third voice, "we've lost them for now. We'll have to come back with the gorkin."

"By the time you get back here with the gorkin, their scent will be gone," said the first voice, which always sounded like it was whining.

"Nah," replied the third man. "My gorkin can track a scent even after the thing's been gone for hours. He'll find them. I'll bet you next week's cut on it."

"No bet. You know your animal, I'm sure you're right."

"Well, come on then," said the gruff voice. "Let's get out of here and get some dinner if we're not going to catch those rascals tonight."

"You get dinner if you want. I'm coming right back with Chosko."

"Chosko?"

"His gorkin," said the whiney voice.

The boots that stood in view of the two Starfleet officers finally began to retreat, and Chakotay felt Janeway's body relax a little beside him. They heard the sounds of the three men mounting their beasts and the footfalls as the beasts began to trundle away. "I think the coast is clear," Chakotay whispered.

Janeway reached for the edge of the rock to pull herself out. She had just started to tug when she heard a sound and froze. She tried to pull her hand back in, but it was stuck between the rock and a branch. "I'm stuck," she hissed, panicked.

They heard the heavy footfalls of one of the Kerhonkset beasts drawing closer and closer. Chakotay tried to pull Kathryn back under the rock, but her hand only became wedged tighter into the tree branch.

The beast was close, and they heard its rider dismount and then begin to whistle. They watched in terror as his big black boots walked right in front of them, but he turned a corner and didn't appear to see the errant human hand protruding from under the rock. "Gotta mark this spot for later," he said quietly to himself. "Here's where Chosko will pick up the scent. I know they were here, no matter what Krond says." There was a rustle of branches, and then the footsteps drew farther away, until they heard him mount his beast and heard the beast disappear through the forest.

Chakotay let out a long breath. "That was close."

"Too close. Now help me get my hand free." Janeway tried to maneuver her hand out of crevice between the branch and the rock, but it wouldn't budge. In fact, it seemed that the more she tugged, the tighter around her arm the branch wound itself. "Chakotay, I think this branch is alive."

"Alive?"

"It's holding my arm tighter and tighter."

"Okay. Relax. Stop pulling away. Maybe it will release its grip."

"Like playing tug-of-war with a dog?"

"Exactly."

She relaxed her arm and stopped tugging, despite the painful grip the vine now had in her wrist. Little by little, as it sensed her lack of resistance, the branch released its hold on her. "I think it's working." She waited until she was sure she could pull her arm free before quickly yanking it out of the branch's reach. She propelled herself out from under the rock, Chakotay close behind her. The tree thrashed out at them with long, vine-like tentacles and hurled one of its long branches at them like a whip. Janeway was safely out of range, but the creature's tentacle lashed out, slashing across Chakotay's back. He cried out in pain.

"Chakotay!"

"I'm okay. We have to keep going!" He pulled himself up and resumed his run even as pain shot from his shoulder down his back.

After several minutes of running as fast as she could, Janeway could run no further. Panting for breath, she staggered into a clearing, collapsing on a large, flat rock. Chakotay was a few paces behind her, and he stumbled to his knees, crying out as pain jolted his wounded shoulder.

"Chakotay." Kathryn scrambled to his side, falling to her knees next to him, placing a hand on his lower back. "Are you all right?"

With difficulty, he raised his head to look at her. "I'll be okay. We can't stay here too long."

"That thing hit you."

He nodded. "My shoulder."

"Let me take a look at it."

He sat back on his heels, wincing, to allow her a better look at his wound. Lodged in his shoulder was a large thorn, evidently left there by the plant-like creature that had attacked them. The area around the offending object was red and swollen. "There's a thorn in your shoulder."

"Can you remove it?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I think it's better than leaving it there." The throbbing pain in his shoulder was making it difficult for Chakotay to think.

"Okay." Janeway looked around, searching for any tool or plant that might help her. She wished she knew something about the plant life on Kerhonkset, but they hadn't exactly been planning on getting lost in the woods when they had beamed down. They didn't even have a tricorder to determine if something was poisonous or not. The thorn was about the size of her thumb and dark green in color. When she looked down upon the top of the cone-like shape, she could see bright red veins running through it. "I'm going to do it," she warned. Chakotay took a deep breath and braced himself, then felt a searing pain as she pulled the thorn out. He stifled a cry. "Sorry."

"'S okay," he answered through gritted teeth.

She showed him the thorn. "It was embedded pretty deep. You're bleeding. Hold still." She removed her Starfleet jacket and tore off a strip, using it as a makeshift compress against her first officer's shoulder, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Thanks." He met her eyes and forced a smile.

"How does it feel?"

"Better than before. Now it's more like a dull ache, rather than a throbbing pain."

"Good." She flopped down in a cross-legged position on the ground next to him, keeping the pressure on his wound. "We need a plan. We can't just keep running."

"Wait for Voyager to rescue us?" he suggested. "We don't have a whole lot of options. I doubt the Kerhonkset would respond very well to negotiations."

"They certainly haven't seemed to want to talk so far. In the meantime, we have to stay ahead of that gorkin. It sounded like a tracking animal to me."

"Agreed. We may not be able to outrun it, but we can outsmart it."

"Any suggestions, Commander?"

Chakotay replied with an 'I wish I had one' look, and they sat on the ground in silence for several moments. Suddenly, Chakotay perked up. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

With a groan, he stood and started to walk towards the sound. Janeway followed him. "There," he said, "listen."

The captain stopped and listened; then her face lit up when she heard what he was talking about. "Water."

Chakotay nodded, setting off at a faster pace. "Most animals can't track a scent through the water. We can use the water to throw it off our trail."

"We still have no idea where we're going."

"No, but at least we can buy Voyager a little time."


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

They trudged through leaves and dirt, trying to avoid fallen branches and trees that appeared to have toppled over in a recent storm. They followed the sound of the water, which grew louder the closer they got. Finally, they reached a steep embankment. "There," Chakotay said, pointing to the stream at the slope's base. The problem was that the incline leading down to the river was extremely steep.

"Is there an easier way to get down?" Janeway asked, looking to one side and then the other.

"Maybe." Chakotay was looking around, too, but no easier way to the stream seemed readily apparent.

"We can't waste time," Janeway decided. "Can you make it down?"

Chakotay flexed his injured shoulder and winced, but said, "I'm fine."

Janeway took a careful step down the steep slope, and then another, and then she was skidding through the dirt. She grabbed onto a tree that was growing out of the bank to keep her balance on the sharp descent. Chakotay sat down on his bottom and slid down the slope in a sitting position. Then, they both stood at the bank of the river, brushing dirt off their hands and clothes.

"We should go upstream," Janeway said. "Downstream, the river most likely leads to the lake at the capitol, and that's a place we want to avoid."

"Agreed."

Janeway was the first to step into the water, and she couldn't help but let out a small shriek. "It's freezing!" she exclaimed as the cold water seeped into her boots and through her socks.

"It probably flows down from those mountains we saw in Seven's topographical survey." Chakotay stepped into the water beside her and shivered when he felt the cold liquid enter his shoes.

"Come on," she said. "We should get moving."

Walking upstream was painstakingly slow. The water wasn't deep; for the most part, it didn't go past their knees. But the river bed was laden with rocks, and they were slippery under Starfleet issue boots. They debated removing their shoes, but they were afraid their feet would go numb from the cold if they did. Both of them struggled to keep their balance against the current, but they continued, slowly but steadily upstream.

They had been walking for an hour or two when they encountered their first major obstacle. Janeway saw it first, and she stopped on a flat rock that broke the water's surface, her hands on her hips.

"What?" Chakotay asked as he rounded the bend behind her.

She turned back to look at him for the first time since they had started walking; she had been too focused on keeping her footing in the slippery river. He looked a little pale. "Are you all right?"

He nodded curtly. "Fine. We have to keep moving." He squinted up at the sky. "We need to get as far as possible before nightfall."

"We might have a small problem." She gestured to the river in front of them, where several trees had fallen across it, blocking their path in a tangled mess of tree trunks and branches. "We could go around."

"Only if there's no other choice. We want to get as far as possible from the Kerhonkset before we hit solid ground again. It's not going to take them long to figure out we took the river at some point. But the farther we can go and leave their dogs no scent, the better off we'll be."

"Okay. So we go through it."

He nodded. "We go through it."

She approached the tangled mess of branches and fallen trees. "There must have been some storm to do this." She was able to duck under the first tree, if she bent her knees all the way and squatted down, using her hands for support. She came up in between the first tree trunk and the second, finding a space between them that was big enough for her small frame. Chakotay, being taller, had a harder time, and he had to lay flat in the river to fit under the tree trunk. For a moment, he thought he was trapped between the heavy tree and the river, and he reached up his hand frantically. Janeway grabbed it and pulled him up, until he was standing in the same narrow space as she was. He was gasping for breath, his uniform soaked through.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Let's just say I won't be trying that again."

Despite their dire situation, she smiled. "Maybe you should try going over next time."

"I was thinking the same thing."

His clothes were wet, but even so, she could feel the heat coming off his body, which was just millimeters from hers in the small space between trees. And then he was gone, climbing onto the thick trunk in front of them, as nimbly as a boy. He caught her staring at him. "What?"

"Nothing." She blushed. "You're very... agile."

"My siblings and I used to climb trees all the time when we were kids. I have lots of practice." He extended a hand to help her up, and they made their way from trunk to trunk, grabbing onto branches for stability. They had reached the last trunk before they could see open stream again, and Chakotay hopped down into the water.

As he turned around to help Janeway down off the high log, his eyes widened in horror. He turned just in time to see her step onto a thin part of the tree, which snapped under her weight. Her eyes went wide, and her mouth opened, but she had no time to scream before she hit the water. Luckily for her, she landed in a place in the stream where the water was a little deeper, so she didn't hit her head on a rock. But, the current was strong, and she was quickly pulled under, downstream, towards the massive tangle of logs and branches.

Chakotay wasted no time. He was moving towards her before her body hit the water, and his hands were in the stream, searching for her. "Kathryn!" he called, mindless of the Kerhonkset dogs who might be able to hear him. Suddenly, he felt a warm hand grasp his, and he pulled hard. She came up out of the water spluttering and coughing. "Kathryn!" he whispered as he pulled her to him. She was shaking from the cold, and she reached out to grab him, clinging to his shoulders desperately. They remained there for several moments, his back up against a thick log, her clutching him, his arms around her protectively.

After several minutes, she stopped shaking as the warmth of his body seeped into hers. She pulled back from him, and he smoothed her hair out of her face in a touch that was surprisingly gentle. "Are you okay? Did you hit your head?"

"No, I'm fine. I was more surprised than anything. It happened so fast."

He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "We're both soaked. We have to be careful of hypothermia."

"We just need to keep moving. I'm fine, really, Chakotay." She pressed her palm against his chest. "If I start to feel too cold, I'll tell you. But we have to move. Our uniforms will dry." She looked up at the sky. "I don't know how many more hours of daylight we have left."

He looked at her in concern, but he knew she was right. So they pressed on. They walked for hours, their feet growing numb in the cold water. Their uniforms dried in the remaining sunlight, and the rest of the day went by without incident. Then night began to fall.

"We can't walk all night," Janeway said, as the waning light made it difficult to see the rocks in the water. "We need to rest."

"Agreed. We should try to find some sort of cover."

"And try to avoid those trees like the one that attacked you."

Luckily, it didn't take them long to find an easy egress from the water. They walked up on both sides of the bank, and then crossed the stream again to try to confuse their captors if the gorkin managed to track them this far. The landscape didn't seem to include any caves or similar types of shelter, so they had to settle for backing themselves into a hillside, and setting up camp there. They had no supplies, no tools, no weapons, and night was falling fast.

"I'm going to look for something that seems like it might be edible," Janeway said

"Without a tricorder, we won't know for sure if it's safe for us to eat."

"I know." Her facial expression betrayed little of the hopelessness and fear that she felt, but he could tell that she felt especially vulnerable without the technology she was so accustomed to relying on. She started off in one direction, examining the ground and the trees for anything they could eat.

"Don't go too far," Chakotay called after her. "I think it's going to be completely dark soon."

"Okay."

Chakotay tried to carve out a little space in the hillside where they might find a little shelter from the night. He piled leaves together to create a bed that was a little softer than the hard ground. Then, he sat back and rolled his aching shoulder. The pain had turned from a sharp sting to a constant, dull ache, and he felt his ability to move it was impaired. He thought about saying something to Kathryn, but then thought better of it. She had enough to worry about without feeling responsible for his aching shoulder.

Their mission to Kerhonkset was an important one, and so far, it was proving to be a total disaster. He knew this must be weighing heavily on her; it was their first mission since returning to the Alpha Quadrant six weeks earlier. After Voyager had burst through the Borg hub, the crew had undergone four weeks of extensive debriefings. Then, to everyone's surprise, they'd been ordered to prepare for this mission to Kerhonkset, a Gamma Quadrant world that had recently made first contact with the Federation. With Picard and Riker occupied by Romulans, and Sisko still missing in action, Starfleet had decided that Janeway was the most qualified captain for the job, having made first contact with more species in the past seven years than most captains would do in a lifetime. So, after spending only a few weeks with family and friends, the ship had been ordered to turn around and head out again.

The mission had gone nothing like they had planned. Upon arrival at Kerhonkset, Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Torres and Ayala had beamed down for a formal reception with the Kerhonkset government. They'd had no indication of danger and had arrived unarmed at the request of the Kerhonkset prime minister. No sooner had their feet touched the soil, but they had been ambushed.

Chakotay still had no idea who their pursuers were, whether it had been a trap set by the government or some sort of rebel group that had ambushed them. But madness had quickly ensued as the Kerhonkset had tried to capture the away team. In the melee, Janeway and Chakotay had become separated from the others and had been chased into the woods. Chakotay wondered what had happened to Torres, Tuvok and Ayala. Had they been captured? Were they also on the run? Had they managed to beam back up to Voyager? Something in the planet's atmosphere was interfering with their comm badges, so they could neither hail the ship nor attempt to contact their comrades.

Chakotay looked around and realized he'd been sitting there alone for quite some time. He propped himself up on his knees and then managed to stand. It was becoming more and more difficult to move his shoulder, but he ignored the stiffness. "Kathryn?" he called softly, not wanting to alert a Kerhonkset or any other potential predator to their location. When she did not respond, fear started to settle in the pit of his stomach. Had she been captured? Had she fallen? Was she lost or injured? He called her name again, this time a little louder. There was still no response. He ventured a little further from the campsite, listening carefully for any sign of her. Whatever had happened, he had to find her.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

Chakotay took another step into the darkness, peering into the forest, looking for any sign of Kathryn. Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes. He froze, holding his breath, afraid that some Kerhonkset beast had found him and planned to have him for dinner. Then he heard a whisper, "Chakotay, is that you?"

"Kathryn," he sighed with relief.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I was looking for you. I thought maybe something had happened."

"Something did happen." She was standing right next to him, now, and he could see her face in the bright Kerhonkset moonlight. She was smiling. "I found dinner." He saw that she had removed her jacket and was using it to carry something.

"Great." He found her arm in the dark, and his hand wrapped around her elbow. He didn't let go until they were in plain view of the campsite.

They sat next to the little hillside where Chakotay had carved out a camp for them. The moonlight was bright enough that they could just make out each other's features. Kathryn explained how she had seen some avian species eating the berries and nuts she had found. "Without a tricorder, there's no way to know for certain if they're edible for humans, but at least we know they're edible to something." She tried one of the nuts. It had a sweet flavor and a soft meat inside. It tasted a little like a chestnut. When she suffered no ill effects after several minutes, they decided that the nuts were safe to eat. They followed the same procedure with the berries. It wasn't an elaborate meal, but after a long day of difficult traveling on foot, they were both starving. After they had eaten, Kathryn put her jacket back on. Night had fallen and the temperature had dropped by several degrees.

"Cold?" Chakotay asked.

She shrugged. "I'm okay. How's your shoulder?"

"It's stiff," he admitted as he tried to move it. There was more pain than he anticipated, and he couldn't help the grimace that crossed his features.

"Chakotay..."

"There's nothing we can do about it. The pain is tolerable."

Kathryn sighed. "I just wish there was something we could do, other than sit here and wait for daylight."

In the moonlight, she could see the ghost of a smile on his lips. He understood. "I know you do."

They sat in silence for a long time, leaning back against the hillside. Kathryn was looking up at the stars, and Chakotay couldn't help but let his gaze be drawn to her face. The gentle glow of moonlight illuminated her soft, pale skin, and despite the streaks of dirt on her face and her hair in disarray, he had to admit, she was beautiful. The thought made the hair on his arms stand on end. He hadn't thought about this in a very long time. She felt his gaze, and she turned her head to look at him. Their eyes met for a long moment. Then, she looked back to the stars.

His voice was soft when he asked, "What are you thinking about?"

She shrugged. "This just isn't quite how I imagined it."

"What? Kerhonkset?"

"Our homecoming. The whole thing feels so anticlimactic."

"You mean because we come home after seven years, and instead of all the worst we imagined, we're run through a routine debriefing and then sent right back out on another mission?"

She chuckled. "Something like that."

"So, how did you imagine our homecoming?"

"Oh, there were lots of scenarios. After we had to write that report on the 'status' of the Maquis, I spent a lot of time worrying about what would happen to all of you. I imagined coming home and having to turn around and go back to the Delta Quadrant because Starfleet tried to commandeer Voyager and turn you all over to the Cardassians in some misguided peace treaty. I imagined that they might court martial all of you, or imprison you, or put you on trial for treason." She stopped to give a mirthless chuckle. "I also thought they might court martial me for various decisions I made that were less than above protocol."

He scooted closer to her, trying to see her face better. "Didn't you ever imagine good scenarios where we made it home?"

"You mean where we were all hailed as heroes, promoted to admirals and celebrated with a grand ball?" He nodded. "Once or twice. But I have to admit, I spent a lot more time thinking about what I would do in case the worst happened. Besides, my best case scenario was never about being hailed as a hero or being promoted to admiral."

He peered at her face in the moonlight, a little surprised to hear her say this. "What was your best case scenario?"

Her eyes seemed focused on a distant point in the forest, but he knew that she was not seeing the dark woods on Kerhonkset. "For a long time, it was coming home to find Mark waiting for me with my dog, Molly. Seeing my mother and sister again. Being home in Indiana, finally getting married, being with family and maybe having one of my own." Her voice had taken on a wistful tone as she spoke of the old, almost forgotten dream.

Chakotay found a lump in his throat. In all the years he had known her, he had never heard Kathryn speak so openly about her desire to have a family of her own, even if that just meant a husband and a dog. He cleared his throat. "You said that was your dream for a long time. But then it wasn't anymore?"

She shrugged as if to brush off the question. "What about you? What did you imagine our homecoming would be like?"

"Very much as you did, actually. I spent a lot of time thinking about all the bad things that might happen to us, especially to the Maquis. I'm grateful none of that turned out to be real."

She tilted her head in his direction, offering him half a smile. "Me, too. And your best case scenario?"

"A lot like yours, too. I imagined that I could come home and find someone to spend my life with. Have a real house, with lots of land. Maybe some animals. Maybe some kids. Who knows."

"Is that what you talked about with Seven?"

Chakotay, who had been as lost in an old dream as Janeway had been a few moments earlier, was quickly jolted back to reality by the question. "What?"

This was the first opportunity they'd had to be alone and really talk since their homecoming, and while Kathryn hadn't meant for the question to sound so harsh, she was glad to get the subject out into the open. She had found out about the relationship between her first officer and her protege from her older self, but it had been Seven who had come to her to talk about it shortly after Voyager's arrival in the Alpha Quadrant. Kathryn didn't know any of the details about the relationship, but she did know that Seven had ended it a few weeks later, it seemed by mutual consent. "Did you talk about your dreams for getting home with Seven?"

"Um, a little bit." He paused, scooting still closer to her. "I don't know what she told you, Kathryn, but Seven and I weren't that serious."

"She seemed to think you were pretty serious."

He gave her a self-deprecating smile. "That was just an old man's fantasy that he might be desirable to a young, beautiful woman."

"A very young woman."

He held up his hands defensively. "Before you berate me for my lack of judgment, let me say, I know it wasn't one of my better decisions. In fact, most of my romantic endeavors over the last ten years have been poor choices, and I know it."

She rolled her eyes at him, teasing. "You said it, not me."

"Besides, it wasn't Seven I was fantasizing about coming home with for all those years." He hadn't intended to say it, but it had slipped out.

Her heart suddenly hammered in her chest; she tried to act nonchalant. "Oh? Who, then?"

Chakotay fixed her with a dark gaze, and although he didn't answer her question, there was no mistaking the look in his eyes as they raked over her body and then came to rest again on her face. She turned away from the heat of his gaze, feeling a chill go down her spine, and changed the subject. "I wonder what happened to Tuvok, Torres and Ayala."

"Hopefully they ran into someone who could help them, or figured out a way to contact Voyager."

"Maybe I'll try fiddling with our communicators again," she said, removing hers and opening it up, squinting to try and see the delicate machinery in the dim light.

"You should rest."

"One of us should stay awake," she countered. "You rest. I'll wake you in a few hours." He looked at her doubtfully. "Don't make me make it an order, Commander." She had a glint in her eye, and he knew she was only half serious, but he acquiesced.

"Aye, aye, Captain."

He started to lie down on the ground and grunted in pain as the movement jarred his shoulder. "You okay?"

"Hard to get comfortable."

"Come here." She touched his good arm and gave a gentle tug, pulling him closer to her and guiding his head into her lap. She smoothed his hair back from his face. "Better?"

Despite the nagging pain in his shoulder, Chakotay smiled. "Much."

He closed his eyes while she worked on the communicator. Maybe she could find a way to contact the ship through the atmospheric interference. As she worked, she couldn't help but look down at her first officer, whose breathing had quickly evened out and who was fast asleep.

The truth was, after she had stopped dreaming of coming home to Mark, she had started dreaming of coming home with him. She hadn't thought about those dreams for a long time, since long before she had found out about his brief liaison with Seven. But there had been a time when she had spent many nights fantasizing about what it might be like to be with Chakotay after they were home and he was no longer her first officer. Of course, now they were home and he was still her first officer, at least for the time being, and she didn't know if those old dreams should be left in the past.

Finding out about his relationship with Seven of Nine had been a blow; she had to admit that privately to herself, but there had been an equal part of her that had not been surprised. She'd been waiting for the day that he would move on completely and had known it would happen eventually. Still, the news had hit her harder than she thought it would. Do I still have feelings for him? she wondered as she gazed at his sleeping frame. He was handsome, that much was certain, and had many other admirable qualities. She felt a deeper connection with him than she had felt with most people in her life, and even though their friendship had waned over their last year in the Delta Quadrant, today's experience had proven to her that they still shared a very deep bond. Being here, alone with him, fighting for survival, was awakening feelings she had thought were in the past.

Unable to make any headway with the communicator, she finally woke Chakotay so that she could get some rest. She fell asleep nestled against his good side, his arm around her to keep her warm in the cold Kerhonkset night.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

Janeway hadn't been asleep for very long when the leaves in the trees above them started to rustle. Chakotay heard them and looked up to see the tree branches swaying against the grey sky just as a dark cloud covered the moon. Kathryn stirred as the wind picked up, opening her eyes and pushing herself up on her hands. "What's happening?" she asked.

"Some kind of storm, I think." Chakotay had to raise his voice to be heard over the wind. Dark clouds now completely covered the moon, leaving the two Starfleet officers in complete blackness.

"We need shelter."

"We didn't see any caves between here and the river, and we don't have any light. We'd be blind in the forest."

The wind was growing stronger, and Kathryn shielded her face with her hand. A nearby thump sounded as a large tree branch hit the ground.

He tugged her hand, pulling her around to the other side of the hill. They were able to find a spot where the hill shielded them from the worst of the wind, and they pressed against the dirt. The wind howled through the trees, and a crack sounded in the distance as a tree fell. Chakotay shielded Kathryn's body with his own, covering her with his muscular frame as the wind howled. His shoulder ached, and a sharp pain shot down his arm.

The wind picked up even more, and specks of dirt and small rocks whirled in small twisters near the ground. A large branch flew directly at them, hitting Janeway in the back. She cried out, and Chakotay wrapped his arms around her, trying to shield her body from the debris being thrown around by the storm, using his hands to protect her head and neck. There was another loud crack as another tree fell, and he felt her tense in his arms. He whispered soothing words in her ear, even though he doubted she could hear him over the wind's cries, and was surprised at the way she burrowed further into his arms. That was the way they fell asleep, finally able to relax as the wind died down.

Kathryn awoke with the first light and realized immediately that something was wrong. Chakotay's body was giving off heat like a furnace, his heartbeat racing. She extricated herself from his embrace and saw that beads of sweat had formed on his forehead despite the cool morning air. He was burning up. "Chakotay," she said, trying to wake him. "Chakotay!"

He opened his eyes, and looked around, confused. "I'm sorry. Did I fall asleep? I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. I think you have a fever."

He slowly gained awareness of himself and his surroundings. His body felt weak, and he felt cold, even though he was sweating. Even before Kathryn pressed the back of her hand to his forehead, he could tell that his skin was clammy. His shoulder was throbbing. But he said, "We should get moving."

"I don't have any symptoms, so it can't be the food."

He shook his head, the movement jarring his injured shoulder. "No, I think it has something to do with that plant that attacked me."

"Let me see." Janeway motioned to his injured shoulder and helped him out of his jacket, which had been torn in the attack, but still covered most of the injured area. When she saw his bare skin, Kathryn gasped. Bulging green veins had appeared on Chakotay's shoulder, and it looked like they were spreading. The skin around them was red and enflamed.

He studied the horrified expression on her face and asked with a tired smile, "That bad, huh?"

"Was it like this all day yesterday?"

"I don't know. It was hurting."

"Chakotay, why didn't you say anything?" Anger rose in her tone, tinged with fear.

"Kathryn." He reached out with his good arm to take her hand. "What could you have done? We had to keep moving. I was hoping it would be better after I got some rest, but it's not. None of that changes the fact that we have to keep moving. I'm sure the Kerhonkset figured out we went into the river by now, and there's only two directions we could have gone once we hit it. My guess is that they'll split up and follow both."

She gave him a long look and then sighed heavily. "You're right. Fortunately, the storm seems to have destroyed all evidence of our campsite, so we can get moving. But promise me you'll tell me if it gets any worse."

"I'll tell you."

"Good."

They were lucky that the storm had scattered all evidence of their dinner the night before. It had also masked their trail through the woods, and would likely throw off the Kerhonkset dogs. They made their way back to the river.

The second day was slower going than the first. Neither of them had gotten much sleep, and Chakotay was moving slower and slower. Kathryn was casting worried glances back at him, watching his face become pale and take on a greenish tinge. He set his jaw with determination, however, and nodded at her to keep going. They'd had to navigate more logs that blocked their path, and their boots sloshed through the stream, seeming to become heavier with each step

Janeway began to lose hope. Why hadn't Voyager found them yet? Surely Harry and Seven had figured out a way to cut through the atmospheric interference by now. Or had her ship been captured by the Kerhonkset as well? What had happened to Tuvok, Torres and Ayala? Had they been taken hostage? Were they on the run, too? Had she returned home only to be marooned and imprisoned on an alien planet a few weeks later?

Chakotay, for his part, was becoming similarly depressed. He was slowing Kathryn down, and he knew it. He had opened his mouth several times to tell her to go on without him, but he knew that she would refuse. He would never forgive himself if he was the reason that she was captured or hurt. He began to think of what he might do to convince her to go on alone.

They trudged through the water without speaking. They listened for signs of their Kerhonkset pursuers and focused on taking one step at a time. Then, Chakotay stepped on an unstable rock. It tipped under his foot, causing him to lose his balance and sending him to his knees in the cold water.

Kathryn heard him cry out and turned around to see him on his hands and knees, struggling to get back on his feet. "Chakotay!" She sloshed through the water back to his side and knelt beside him, not caring that the cold water was seeping through her own pants up to her knees. When he looked up at her, his palor sent a jolt of fear down her spine. Whatever that plant was doing to him, it was getting worse. "Can you stand?"

His shoulder was so stiff that he could barely move his arm. His whole body had been overcome with weakness. His words were a strangled, "Help me."

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kathryn insinuated her shoulder under his good arm so he could lean on her. "Ready? One, two, three." She managed to get him upright, but as soon as he tried to remove his weight from her, he stumbled again. She caught him before he could fall into the water, stabilizing him. "Let me help you," she said, finding her way under his arm again.

"You should go on without me," he said, gritting his teeth against the pain. "I'm slowing you down. No sense in both of us getting captured."

"I think you know me better than that, Chakotay."

"I don't want you to get hurt because of me."

"I'm not leaving you." The stubborn set of her jaw told him that he wouldn't be able to convince her otherwise. They continued farther up the river, and Chakotay began to lean more and more on Kathryn. He was right; he was slowing them down, but that didn't mean she was willing to leave him behind. Then, they heard the howling of a Kerhonkset beast and froze.

Janeway looked up at Chakotay. "The gorkin?"

"I'm telling you, Kathryn. Go on without me!"

"No. We have to find a hiding place."

"I don't know how much farther I can go."

"You have to keep moving just a little longer, Commander. That's an order."

He heard the determination in her voice, and it gave him the motivation he needed to take one more step, and then another, and another. They heard another howl, closer this time, and Janeway began to look around more urgently for a place where they could hide. Finally, she saw what she was looking for. A few meters ahead of them, a large, flat rock jutted out over the river. "There!" she whispered.

Chakotay couldn't respond. He was too focused on putting one foot in front of the other without passing out and dragging Kathryn down into the water along with him. She looked up at his face; it had grown even more pale, and she could see the green veins snaking up above his collar bone. She knew it was her responsibility to get them both to safety, so she pulled him towards the large flat rock. He stumbled, nearly pulling her to her knees as all of his weight pressed down on her. She tightened her grip on him. "Just a few more steps, Chakotay. You have to stay with me until we get to that rock over there."

He grunted and placed one foot in front of the other. He had to do this; he had to make it for Kathryn.

"That's it," she said encouragingly. "Just another two meters."

After what seemed like an hour, they reached the rock that jutted out over the river. Kathryn knelt down in the water and saw that where the rock met the shore, there was a sandy enclave, just as she had hoped. She ducked down and pulled Chakotay with her. He moaned as he bent over and his shoulder bumped against the rock. It was by sheer force of will that she managed to get both of them under the rock and back to the sandy area. The rock sheltered them from view, and the Kerhonkset would need to come into the river to find them. They would find them, eventually, but it was a good hiding place. Where are you, Harry? she wondered. She tried her comm badge one more time, but it only responded with static.

There was just enough space in the alcove for the two of them. Janeway scooted as far back into the small space as possible, sitting with her back pressed up against the cool, damp rock. Chakotay had collapsed with his feet still in the water, and she pulled him up onto the sand, cradling his head in her lap. The river lapped at her boots, but the cold water had ceased to matter to her long ago.

"Chakotay? Can you hear me?" She brushed his matted hair back from his face. His skin felt as though it was burning, and the green tendrils had made their way up the side of his neck. The infection was spreading faster and faster.

Chakotay moaned; his eyes fluttered open, and then closed again. Kathryn felt a cold fear seep into the core of her being. There was nothing she could do for him. The infection, or poison, or whatever it was, was slowly taking him away from her, and there was nothing she could do but sit here and watch it happen. Her fingers found the side of his neck, looking for his pulse. It was weak and thready. "How can I help you?" she whispered. "What can I do?"

He did not respond, but he seemed to press his body closer to hers, seeking comfort subconsciously or intentionally, she did not know, but she pulled him closer and stroked his hair, whispering quiet words of reassurance, soothing him into slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

Kathryn had no idea how much time had passed when her eyes snapped open. She must have dozed off, she realized. Chakotay was still in her arms, but his body was no longer burning with fever. Instead, his skin was cold and clammy. His face was white, except for the green vein that now snaked onto his cheek. His breathing was shallow. "Chakotay," she said urgently, shaking him, "wake up." He did not respond. "Chakotay, can you hear me? Wake up!" There was still no response. She felt his pulse, weaker than before. "Come on, Chakotay. You can't die. Not here, not now. Listen to me. You've got to wake up."

His breath hitched in his throat and then stopped. Then, Kathryn was on her knees above him, counting as she pumped her hands against his chest in quick compressions. She tilted his head back and breathed into his mouth, then repeated the procedure. "Come on, Chakotay. Breathe!" After the second time she attempted to breathe life back into him, he coughed, and his breath returned. "Oh, god," she sobbed, pulling him against her.

"Kathryn?" he rasped, barely able to speak.

"Chakotay." She smoothed his hair and rubbed his back, trying to hold back the tears that had gathered in her eyes and the fear that felt like a leaden weight in the pit of her stomach.

"Where am I?" His vision was fuzzy, and he was having a hard time forming a coherent thought.

"We're on Kerhonkset. Don't you remember?"

"Remember? Don't know. I'm cold. So cold."

She pulled him closer, rubbing his arms to try to give him some warmth. His face was deathly pale, and the green veins now extended onto both of his cheeks. "Hold on, Chakotay. Please hold on."

"C-c-cold." His breathing became labored, and he gasped and choked as his lungs struggled for oxygen. "No... air..."

The green veins were somehow constricting his airways, she realized, but there was nothing she could do, nothing but hold him. Tears were streaming down her cheeks now, falling in small droplets onto his tattered uniform jacket. "No. Don't leave me. Chakotay, please don't leave me." She watched in horror as his face turned a pale blue and then a ghostly white. His breath shuddered in his chest and then stopped. "No! No, Chakotay, please. Please don't die. You can't die. I need you. Please, Chakotay!"

But there was nothing she could do. She was sobbing hysterically. At first she didn't hear the sound of Kerhonkset beasts approaching, but the loud howl of the gorkin penetrated the haze of her anguish. She pulled Chakotay's body as far as she could into the crevice between the rock and the soil, wedging them back as far as they could go. The gorkin howled louder.

"They're here somewhere," one of the Kerhonkset hunters said.

"Yeah, just look at your gorkin. He can smell them."

"Find 'em, Chosko. Find!"

Janeway closed her eyes in resignation as she heard the gorkin splashing in the water. What did it matter now anyway? Chakotay was dead. A chilling howl pierced the air as the gorkin announced that it had found its prey, and Kathryn Janeway knew that the end was near.

Right at that moment, her comm badge chirped. "Kim to Janeway. Captain, do you read me?"

"Harry?!" she replied in a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, Captain. I'm sorry it took us so long to find a way to cut through the interference, but..."

"No time! Can you lock onto myself and Commander Chakotay?"

"I think so. We haven't tested the transporter yet..."

"Beam us directly to sickbay! Now!"

"Trying to get a lock, ma'am."

"Get us out of here, Mr. Kim!" The gorkin had rounded the corner and was peering beneath the rock. Its yellow eyes glowed in the darkness, and with a growl, it bared its sharp teeth. "Now!"

The gorkin lunged forward, and Janeway threw herself in front of Chakotay's lifeless body, determined to protect him to the end. Just as she anticipated the lacerating pain of the animal's teeth penetrating her skin, she felt the familiar tingle of the transporter beam.

When she opened her eyes, Janeway found herself on the floor of sickbay, still clinging to her first officer's body. She jumped into action, helping the Doctor haul Chakotay onto the nearest biobed. "He was attacked yesterday by some kind of plant. I don't know if it's poison or an infection, but it was spreading. He was attacked on his shoulder. His right shoulder."

The Doctor already had out his tricorder and was asking a nearby medic for a hypospray and a cortical monitor. "It appears as though the commander died from a massive coronary arrest."

"It was only a few minutes ago. You can bring him back."

The Doctor heard the desperation in his captain's voice. He had an inkling of what these two meant to each other; he had certainly seen each at the other's bedside in sickbay regularly enough. "Captain, if you'll step aside, I'll do my best."

She seemed startled by the suggestion that she should move away from Chakotay, relinquish her grip on his hand, but the thought brought her back to herself and the reality of her present situation. Finding clinical detachment, she stepped away. "Of course, Doctor. I'll be on the bridge."

Janeway was trembling as she exited sickbay. The Doctor will revive him. He has to. But her place was on the bridge, figuring out just what had gone on with the Kerhonkset. She used the turbolift ride to calm herself, forcing herself to take deep breaths, steady her hands and slow her pounding heart.

She strode onto the bridge with all of her customary confidence. "Report."

"Captain!" Harry was the first one to greet her, and it wasn't until she saw his face that she realized she must look like hell. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Mr. Kim. None the worse for wear." She offered him a reassuring smile. "What about the rest of the away team?"

"We are safely aboard, Captain."

She whirled around. "Tuvok! What the hell happened?"

"Lieutenants Torres and Ayala and I ran from the ambush, as you did, but before we could get very far we were met by a group from the Kerhonkset government - the group we were really supposed to meet. Apparently the men that ambushed us are part of a terrorist organization that is attempting to discredit the prime minister."

"Commander Tuvok used the planet's communication network to contact the ship," Harry said. "There was a terrorist attack on the planetary sensor net around the same time as the ambush, so the Kerhonkset weren't able to help us locate you. We've spent the last two days trying to penetrate the atmospheric interference so we could find you and Commander Chakotay."

Tuvok nearly asked about the commander right then and there, but he observed his captain and his friend - her tattered clothes, her tear stained cheeks. He knew they had beamed directly to sickbay and could only conclude that the commander's condition must be serious. "Perhaps you would like to continue this debriefing in your ready room, Captain."

Janeway nodded. Now that she knew her ship and crew were safe, the exhaustion of the past two days was beginning to seep in. She hadn't had a decent meal or a cup of coffee since before they'd beamed down to Kerhonkset.

Tuvok followed her into the ready room. As the door closed behind them, she stumbled. He caught her elbow and led her gently to the couch. "Rest," he said. "I will replicate some nourishment." Tuvok went over to the replicator and placed an order. "What is Commander Chakotay's condition?" he asked as he returned with a bowl of hot soup and a steaming cup of coffee.

Janeway looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. "The Doctor is attempting to revive him. He was attacked during our initial escape from the Kerhonkset by some kind of vine. It contained a poison, or an infection, that spread. He died just before we were beamed up."

"I am sorry."

She shook her head, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, and reached for the steaming mug of coffee. "What's our status with the Kerhonkset?"

As she sipped her coffee and picked at her soup, Tuvok filled her in on his dealings with the Kerhonkset prime minister, who had apologized profusely for the mishap and wished to apologize to her in person as soon as she was available. Too little, too late, she thought bitterly. An apology wouldn't make any difference now.

"Doctor to Janeway."

She nearly jumped out of her chair at the sound of the Doctor's voice. Her eyes held Tuvok's, seeking his steadiness as she raised a shaking hand to tap her comm badge. "Janeway here."

"I've managed to stabilize Commander Chakotay for the moment. He's in critical condition, but he's alive. I thought you'd want to know."

Janeway couldn't speak. The exhaustion of the last few days had caught up with her, and the dam of emotions she'd constructed dissolved as hot tears streamed down her cheeks. She could only nod.

"Captain?" the Doctor queried.

"Thank you, Doctor," Tuvok replied. "The captain heard you."

"Good. Commander, the captain herself needs to come to sickbay. I want to make sure that whatever infected the commander wasn't transmitted to her, too."

Tuvok looked at Janeway, who was gaining a hold on her emotions and wiping her eyes. "Give me a few minutes, Doctor," she said.

"Captain..."

"I'll be right there." She tapped her badge and closed the comm channel, then collapsed back against the couch, rubbing her hands over her face.

"The Doctor is an extremely capable individual," Tuvok said. "I am sure he will do his best to ensure the commander's speedy and complete recovery."

Janeway offered her old friend a wan smile, knowing that in his own Vulcan way he was trying to lift her spirits. "Thanks, Tuvok." He offered her his hand to assist her as she hauled herself off the couch. "I'll be in sickbay. Gather the senior staff for a full debriefing."

"With all due respect, Captain, a debriefing will do you no good if you are exhausted."

She shook her head stubbornly. "I need to know what happened down there, Tuvok. I need to know what nearly cost Chakotay's life. And I'm sure that Starfleet Command is going to want to know, too."

"As you wish, Captain."

Janeway headed for sickbay, trying to stave off her encroaching exhaustion. Admiral Henry would be on the comm within hours, she was sure, demanding an explanation, and she had to be prepared. But she needed to stop in sickbay first, not because of the Doctor's orders, but because she needed to see that Chakotay was, in fact, alive.

The sickbay doors swished open, and she saw the EMH hunched over Chakotay's biobed. She approached quietly. "How is he?"

Chakotay still looked pale as death, but the cortical monitor on his forehead was blinking steadily, and she could see his chest rising and falling. A blue medical blanket covered his legs and torso, but his shoulders and neck were exposed, and she could see the network of green veins running across his upper body. The shoulder where she had removed the thorn only two days earlier was covered with a green sac that was filled with some kind of puss. The skin around the area looked decayed. Janeway felt bile rise in her throat at the sight.

"The commander was infected by some sort of Kerhonkset plant venom. It seems that the plant's thorns contain a slow acting poison that spreads through the victim's body."

"Do you have an antidote?"

"Fortunately, through the brilliance of my medical skill, I managed to synthesize one."

The pride in her voice was genuine when she responded, "Well done, Doctor."

"However, the antidote itself is potentially lethal and can only be administered in small doses. It will take approximately thirty two hours for it to take full effect."

"Thirty two hours? But Chakotay will recover, won't he?"

"I have every reason to believe that the commander will make a full recovery, but until the antidote has run its course, there will be no way to know for sure."

She swallowed hard. "I see."

"Captain, I need to examine you, to make sure that you have not been infected."

"Of course, Doctor. Would you give us a minute, first?"

The Doctor nodded and moved away, giving the captain and her first officer a little privacy. He pretended to busy himself around sickbay, but out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Janeway placed her hand on the commander's chest. She closed her eyes, and her jaw constricted as she attempted to contain her emotions. He watched as she leaned down to whisper something in Chakotay's ear. She gave him one last long look, and then sat willingly on another biobed so the Doctor could examine her.

After mending a cracked rib along with several cuts and bruises, the Doctor announced that she had not been infected by the poison and that she was free to go. He prescribed a hot bath, a good meal, and a long rest.

Unfortunately for her, Kathryn barely had time to take a sonic shower and change into a fresh uniform before the briefing with her senior staff. Tuvok, Torres and Ayala explained what they had discovered about the terrorist group, and Harry and Tom recounted what had happened aboard Voyager while the away team had been on the surface.

In the middle of the briefing, Admiral Henry called, and the captain had to ask his permission to return his call. As soon as she had dismissed the senior staff, she was back on subspace with the admiral, explaining in detail everything she knew about the situation with the Kerhonkset. It was only after that official duty was discharged that she was able to fall into a troubled sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

Janeway spent most of the next two days trying to smooth things over with the Kerhonkset. She was under strict orders from Starfleet Command to maintain good relations with them, despite the terrorists who had pursued her and Chakotay through the woods. The prime minister had assured her and Starfleet that they would be apprehended and duly punished for their crimes.

She slept and ate little, consumed by her work and worry for her first officer, whose condition was ameliorating slower than the Doctor had hoped. It had been forty eight hours since they had beamed back aboard the ship when the Doctor hailed her and said, "I'm going to attempt to wake Commander Chakotay. I thought you'd like to know."

"I'm on my way."

When she entered sickbay, the Doctor was preparing a hypospray. She stopped at Chakotay's bedside and looked down at him. The green veins had disappeared from his face and neck. The only evidence of the poison was a small, green patch of skin on his shoulder where the thorn had first pierced his skin. Her hand hovered over the spot. "Is that permanent?"

"I believe that in time, it will heal."

"I see. Is there anything I should know before you wake him?"

"I still believe that Commander Chakotay will recover fully. However, you should be aware that when he wakes up, he may feel disoriented, and may experience limited mobility and numbness, especially in his upper body."

Janeway nodded, and held Chakotay's hand as the Doctor pressed a hypospray to his neck. His eyes fluttered open, and he squinted against the bright lights of sickbay. The Doctor leaned over him. "Commander, do you know where you are?"

Kathryn squeezed his hand as he gingerly moved his head from side to side, looking around. "Sickbay," he rasped.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Kathryn asked softly.

He turned to look at her, as if just noticing her presence. "Kathryn?"

"I'm here." She squeezed his hand again.

He lowered his eyes to where their hands were joined, but he couldn't feel anything in his arm. "Can't... feel you."

"You may experience some numbness for a few days, especially on your right side, where the venom spread the most," said the Doctor.

"Venom?"

Janeway moved around the bed and took his other hand in hers. This time when she squeezed his hand, he squeezed back. "Do you remember what happened on Kerhonkset?"

Chakotay closed his eyes, willing his brain to work, and slowly the memories started to come back to him. "We were running. The river. That plant attacked me. The thorn in my shoulder."

The Doctor bustled around the biobed, running a medical tricorder over the commander's body. "That thorn transmitted a poison into your bloodstream which spread to other systems. When it spread to your respiratory system, you stopped breathing."

Chakotay blinked, trying to understand the Doctor's words. "You mean, I died?"

"Fortunately, it was only a few minutes before Lieutenant Kim found a way to communicate with the surface, and I was able to revive you."

"Thanks."

"All in a day's work, Commander." Despite the modesty of his words, the Doctor was obviously bursting with pride. "Now, you need to rest. If your recovery continues, I might be able to release you from sickbay tomorrow."

"Doctor, before you sedate him again, could we have a minute?"

"Of course, Captain."

The Doctor moved away from the biobed, and Janeway looked down at their joined hands, suddenly finding herself tongue tied. Her thumb stroked the back of Chakotay's hand, enjoying the feeling of warmth and the slight pulse in his veins under her fingers.

"Kathryn."

His use of her name brought her eyes back to his, and there was so much in his face at that moment, so many emotions that her heart seemed to stop, and her breath hitched in her chest. "You need to rest," she said softly. "We'll talk about everything when you're better."

He nodded, his eyes threatening to close even without the Doctor's sedative. "Okay. But, I wanted to tell you..."

He started to drift off, and his voice became a whisper. She leaned down so she could hear him, and whispered in his ear. "Wanted to tell me what?"

"Home... Getting home. I was dreaming of you."

Before she could reply, he had drifted off. She placed a kiss on his forehead, and let her hand rest on his chest for a long moment, feeling the steady beating of his heart. The Doctor came over with a hypospray. "What's his prognosis, Doctor?"

"I have only two more doses of the antidote to give him. I think I'll be able to release him from sickbay tomorrow. By the time we get back to Earth, he should be good as new."

Janeway grasped the Doctor's shoulder. "Thank you, Doctor."

The EMH looked up at her and smiled softly. "I wasn't about to let him die on you, Captain."

She looked away from the Doctor's penetrating gaze. "For those few moments, when I thought I had lost him forever, I just kept thinking..."

"Thinking what?"

"That I didn't know how to go on without him. I know that I could. I would find a way; I've done it before." She paused, voicing her thoughts for the first time. "Everything has just happened so fast: meeting Admiral Janeway, finding out about Chakotay and Seven, getting home, debriefings, and then getting sent right back out on this mission."

"You haven't had any time to process what's happened," the Doctor supplied.

"Right. I suppose that's part of it." She took a few steps away from Chakotay's biobed, and the Doctor followed.

"And the other part?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I was telling Chakotay when we were stranded on Kerhonkset, I had always imagined our homecoming so differently. And then at a certain point, I stopped trying to imagine it altogether. It became too painful to hope for, only to have our hopes dashed again and again." She looked at the Doctor and chuckled softly. "I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"I can't say I understand all of your emotions, Captain, but as your physician, and as your friend, I've observed you for many years. You've had a singular goal that entire time. Every decision you made, every question you had to answer, every relationship you entered, they all were about how to get Voyager home. Now, you've done that, and you don't know what to do next. On top of that, you saw an older version of yourself - one that, if I may say, upset you a great deal. You learned that your best friend was dating the woman who you'd taken under your wing, and even though their relationship was short lived, it made you uncertain of his feelings for you, which you've always felt you can count on. Your mission to Kerhonkset was a disaster, one which you were only able to salvage with your brilliance as a leader and a diplomat. On top of everything, being faced with losing Commander Chakotay forever has forced you to confront your feelings for him - feelings you thought were long gone until now." The Doctor paused. Janeway's expression had morphed from horror to amusement as he spoke.

"I guess that about sums it up, Doctor."

"I'm sorry, Captain. Was I being too forward?"

"No, Doctor. Not at all. I appreciate your candor, and you're absolutely right." Shaking her head, she stepped towards the door.

The Doctor's words stopped her mid-stride. "Do you mind if I give you a little advice, Captain?"

Bemused, she replied, "You've already psychoanalyzed me pretty thoroughly; what difference would a little advice make?"

"Tell him how you feel. Voyager is on its way back to Earth again. Maybe this time, our homecoming can be a little more like you imagined it."


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

The next day, Voyager reached the wormhole and was back in the Alpha Quadrant once again. There was no fanfare, no honor guard of Starfleet ships to greet them. They were just another Starfleet vessel passing from Gamma to Alpha Quadrant. It felt strange and yet reassuringly normal at the same time, Kathryn thought, as she turned the bridge over to Tuvok and headed for sickbay.

When the sickbay doors swished open, she was greeted by a much different sight than the one she had seen twenty-four hours earlier. Chakotay was sitting up on his biobed, his color having returned to normal. He still looked a little weak, but his cheeks had a little pink in them, and he was dressed in his uniform.

"You're free to go, Commander," the EMH was saying. "Just make sure to let me know if that shoulder gives you any trouble."

"I will, Doctor. Thank you."

"All in a day's work, Commander. All in a day's work."

Chakotay chuckled as the Doctor shuffled off into his office; then he noticed his visitor. "Kathryn."

"How do you feel?" She took his arm to steady him as he slid down off the biobed.

"A hell of a lot better than I did."

"How's your shoulder?" Her hand hovered over the area that had not long ago been covered by a green sac.

"It's still a little stiff, but the Doctor says it's going to be fine. And all the green stuff is gone." He grinned.

"Good."

He saw the shadow pass over her face and noticed that she had not let go her grip on his arm. "Walk me home?"

She nodded, and as they walked back to his quarters, she filled him in on the Kerhonkset situation and all that had happened while he was recuperating. When they reached his quarters, he entered his code and they stood in the open doorway. "Well," she said, "I should let you rest."

He yawned. "I never realized how taxing it could be to walk from sickbay to my quarters."

"Yes. Well." She looked at her boots and then back into his eyes. "I'm... I'm really glad you're okay, Chakotay."

"So am I." He noticed her hesitation and almost invited her in, but another yawn reminded him that he really was too tired for company. "What are you doing for dinner tonight?"

"Dinner? I don't know. Going to the mess hall, I guess."

"Have dinner with me, here, tonight. After I've had a chance to take a nap." He smiled, showing off his dimples.

"Okay."

His smile grew brighter. "Good. 1900 hours. You bring the wine."

"Are you sure the Doctor would approve of you drinking wine in your condition?"

He laughed. "How many times did I bring you a cup of coffee when the Doctor told you that you couldn't have any, Kathryn?"

She joined in his laughter. "Fair point. I'll see you tonight then."

He caught her hand in his and gave it a brief squeeze. "Tonight." She nodded, and the door swished shut behind him as he entered his quarters. He stumbled into the bedroom and was fast asleep only moments after removing his shoes.

Kathryn, on the other hand, was restless. 1900 hours couldn't come soon enough. She retreated to her ready room for a couple of hours to finalize her report to Admiral Henry. Then she did something she had never done since she had taken command of Voyager seven years earlier. She took an unscheduled afternoon off. Tuvok was perfectly capable of captaining the ship through Federation space, and she was only a comm call away if anyone needed her.

She went to her quarters and took a long, hot bath with her favorite bubble bath. She lounged in a chair with a cup of hot coffee and read a book. She took a whole forty minutes getting dressed for dinner, and she tried not to think too hard about why she was putting so much care and attention into her appearance. It was just dinner with Chakotay. They'd shared hundreds of dinners during the time that they'd been on Voyager together. But something told her that this one would be different, and not only that, she wanted it to be.

At 1905, she rang the bell to Chakotay's quarters, hoping she had not misjudged by wearing civilian clothes. She was relieved when he appeared behind the door in black slacks and a loose, white cotton shirt. She handed him the wine she'd chosen. "Hope you like it."

"You look beautiful, Kathryn. Come in."

She blushed as she stepped inside, and a wonderful smell assaulted her senses as she took in the dimly lit room, the lighted candles on the table, and the soft music playing in the background. She breathed a sigh of relief, realizing she had not miscalculated at all. "How are you feeling?"

"I napped almost all afternoon. But I feel a lot better. Really." He opened the wine, extricating the cork from the bottle with a satisfying "pop." He reached for two glasses to pour for both of them, and then saw the troubled look on her face. "Kathryn, what is it?"

She wrung her hands together nervously. "We need to talk."

"Okay." He looked at her with genuine curiosity on his face.

"Sit with me?" she motioned to the couch, and he followed her, sitting beside her but not too close. She looked down at her hands and wrung them together again.

"What's on your mind?"

"I just... Well, I..." She stopped and started awkwardly, knowing what she wanted to say but unsure how to say it. He waited patiently. "I'm really glad you're okay. I've been worried about you."

"Thanks." He sat quietly, sensing that there was more to it than that.

She looked out the window towards the stars as she continued, "I know I'm not the easiest person to be close to. I know that especially over the last year, it's been hard."

"I haven't always made it easier."

She held up a hand to stop him. "You always tried. At any rate, our circumstances were difficult to say the least."

"That's true. What are you trying to say, Kathryn?"

She offered him a rueful smile. "I guess I'm not being very articulate, am I?"

"No, but I can be patient." He grinned, trying to lighten the moment.

She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. "I've never told you how much you mean to me. There are a lot of reasons why, but the bottom line is, I never told you, and I should have." She felt her emotions rising to the surface, and the words began to tumble out. "I don't want to lose you, Chakotay. You mean so much to me, and I... I need you. I didn't realize how much until I thought I had lost you forever. But now you're here, and..." She choked up, reaching blindly for his hand.

He interlaced his fingers with hers and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. "I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded, sniffling and clutching his hand. "The thing is, neither of us can really be sure of that, can we?"

He sighed, his tone becoming more serious. "I guess not, in our line of work."

She savored the feeling of his arm securely around her, his chest under her head, his musky, masculine scent. For several minutes they didn't move, and then Kathryn asked, "Do you remember what you said to me in sickbay?"

He chuckled, his broad chest vibrating under her ear with the sound. "Do you mean, was it just part of my drug induced haze?" He felt her nod against him. "No, it wasn't. I remember exactly what I said."

"Say it again."

His chest rumbled with soft laughter again. "I said," he repeated, punctuating himself with a kiss to her forehead, "that all that time, I was dreaming of coming come with you."

She pulled away so she could see him, and took both his hands in hers. "That's what I couldn't tell you in the forest. I stopped dreaming of Mark a long time ago. Ever since, I've imagined coming home to be with you, too."

His eyes widened with surprise. "Really?"

She nodded.

He gathered her in his arms and pulled her into an embrace, unsure whether to laugh or cry. "Kathryn, why didn't you ever tell me?"

She wrapped her arms around his back and pressed her cheek against his chest. "I don't know. I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship with promises I didn't know if I could keep. I wanted you to feel free to pursue other relationships."

He pulled back from her, holding her at arm's length. "Yet you were upset when you learned about my relationship with Seven."

She nodded, and he reached up to brush an errant tear from her cheek. "Much more than I thought I would be."

"Oh, Kathryn," he murmured, pulling her into a hug. "Why do you have to make things so complicated?"

She laughed into his chest. "It's what I do, Chakotay. I would have thought you'd be used to it by now."

"I am, and I love you for it, but please, next time, don't wait till I've come back from the dead to tell me what you're really thinking."

"I promise, I..." she started to respond, but then pulled away abruptly. "Do you really mean that?"

His brow wrinkled as he tried to figure out what part of his statement she could be referring to. When he realized it, he smiled and took her face between his hands. "Of course I do. I love you, Kathryn Janeway. I tried to get away from it, but I couldn't, and here I am, as stuck on you as I was three years ago, and as I'll be three years from now. I love you, and I'm in love with you, and now I'm going to kiss you."

Before she could say anything, his lips were on hers, probing, tasting, exploring. The kiss was long and sweet, filled with wonder and possibilities for both of them. When they finally separated, he tugged her hand, pulling her into his lap.

"Chakotay, I love you, too."

He pressed a kiss against her neck. "I know that now. But it's nice to hear you say it out loud."

"Dinner is probably cold by now."

He tightened his arms around her. "We can always warm it up. I'm very comfortable where I am right now."

She sighed and kissed his jawline. "Me, too."

He stroked her hair with one hand and made lazy circles on her knee with the other, enjoying the feel of her in his arms, taking in her sweet scent, savoring the way her body seemed to mold perfectly to his. "We'll be back at Earth tomorrow."

"Yes." She lifted her chin to kiss him again, and what started as a chaste greeting between their lips quickly became a passionate lovers' embrace.

When they had to break apart to catch their breath, Kathryn leaned her forehead against his, her hands interlaced behind his neck. His fingers traced patterns up and down her spine, making her shiver. "I'm sorry."

"Why, my love?" he asked as he caressed her cheek and ran his hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry I never told you. So much pain could have been avoided."

He tilted his head away from her so he could look her in the eyes. "I don't think we'll ever know what would have happened. What matters is that we're here now."

She nodded, and kissed him full on the lips, then pulled him into a fierce hug, straddling his lap and pressing her whole body against his. He returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "Are you sure this is real?" she asked after a moment, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

"I think so. But I guess there's only one way to find out," he replied, mischief evident in his tone. He pinched her arm.

"Ow!"

"Oh, sorry," he said playfully. "Did that hurt? I didn't mean to." He reached around behind her and pinched her bottom, and then her side.

"No, Chakotay, don't!" she squealed as he started to tickle her in earnest. But he didn't stop, he deposited her onto the sofa, and soon she was squirming under him on the couch, both of them roaring with laughter.

Laughter gave way to soft moans of pleasure as tickling became gentle caresses and butterfly kisses. Then, he spooned her next to him on the couch, and she sighed contentedly. Outside, the stars whizzed by. They were speeding towards Earth at warp speed. "Do you know how many times I fantasized about doing this over the last seven years?"

She shook her head.

"Too many to count. So many times, I just wanted to hold you in my arms like this. Nothing else. Just simple, together, watching the stars go by."

"Nothing else?" It was her turn to tease as she wiggled her bottom against him.

He groaned. "Well, sometimes I thought about other things, too."

She smiled and turned to face him, meeting his lips for another kiss. "I wished you could hold me, too," she whispered.

"Well, now I can."

"We can't continue like this," she said after a moment.

She felt him tense. "What do you mean?"

"As captain and first officer. Not if we're going to..." She waved her hand between them in a vague gesture.

He laughed and kissed her forehead. "I'm sure we can work something out. There are lots of other ships, other positions. Maybe I'll apply to teach at the Academy. Maybe we'll both resign and have a ranch somewhere with dogs and horses and a dozen kids."

His grin told her he was joking, and she rolled her eyes. "We're a little old for a dozen kids, don't you think?"

"We're in the Alpha Quadrant now. Anything is possible."

She raised an eyebrow. "I can tell you right now, some things are not possible."

"Or, maybe you'll get promoted to admiral and I'll get to be captain of Voyager."

"Don't bet on it."

"Even better, you get demoted, and then I can finally find out what it would be like if you served under me."

"Don't push your luck, Commander," she replied, emphasizing his rank.

They laughed together and then lapsed into silence as Chakotay's expression became serious again. He reached out to brush a lock of hair out of her face. "We're going home again," he said softly.

She nodded. "Yes. And this time it will be the homecoming we've always wanted."

He pulled her to him and found her mouth for another deep kiss, and while their dinner got cold, they anticipated the days to come and enjoyed each moment as it passed. They had never known that coming home again would be so sweet.


End file.
